There's a striking lack in our society of following excellent, child mental-health standards when it comes to parenting and discipline. When they were parented, the parenting gold standard ends up being what worked or didn't work for parents. That's fine if parents are sure the child is a 'mini me,' but in my forty years clinical experience that's rarely the case. The basis for effective parenting must be the child's mental health needs.
Children need firm, consistent limits. Developmentally, children have a strong "it's all about me" orientation during the preschool years. Holding off on immediate need fulfillment is an essential, learned life skill and it is taught when parents set firm and constant limitations.
Children have to experience the advantages of accomplishment. Human capacity is nearly endless. Moms and dads have to assist children set expectations to the highest level possible, inning accordance with the child's capacity, then offer the assistance to fulfill those expectations. Make sure to follow these three essential standards: (1) orient the expectations around a child's enthusiasm when possible; (2) demand effort, specifically when the journey is tiring; and (3) do not push so hard that the tension reaction is extreme. Too much tension will harm a child.
Children have to be comfortable in their own skin. Throughout my therapy profession, I have actually seen children who resemble one parent or the other, but I've never seen an exact duplicate. Parents tend to deal with a child the method they believe and feel, unintentionally suggesting the child's self-respect is identified by being much like the parent. Not a good thing to do with children. A child's individuality has to be acknowledged frequently, specifically when unavoidable distinctions happen. Pleasing parents is a basic need of children. When moms and dads acknowledge who their children are, specifically their distinctions, children feel they have actually pleased the parent, and self-respect takes root. Take this path and children will feel comfy in their own skin.
Children have to be comfortable with sensations. Sensations are the energy source for what we think and do. They are the deepest and most precise expression of our uniqueness at any given minute. Understanding and accepting these representations of our deepest self is a cornerstone of good mental health. Sensations are as vital to psychological health as private child mental health clinic London breathing is to physical health. Packing feelings because they are bad is a dish for major psychological problems. Instead utilize this important standard guideline: Validate feelings initially, then discipline. When a child strikes a brother or sister, acknowledge the upset feelings as genuine and after that set limits for the behavior. Acquiring the capability to accept and explain in words all feelings leads to good mental health.
Children have to find out compassion. Empathy is the lifeblood of sustaining healthy relationships and is finest taught by parents. The research jury is in. Excellent relationships favorably affect mental and physical health and are as satisfying as any product success. Moms and dads teach empathy by accepting children's distinctions and sensations. It feels good to be accepted and understood, specifically when distinctions surface. Over and over again I've seen these comprehended and accepted children wish to live out their parents' teaching by dealing with others well and feeling sorry for them.
Here's the take-home message: Find a parenting approach that fulfills your child's mental health requirements, and there will be no confusion about the proper way to parent your child. As a result, your child will end up being an accountable, loving, resilient grownup.
